My Funeral Plans

DISCLAIMER: This paper was written as a school assignment for a class called death and dying.



Funeral Plans

I have always thought that I would die young. I look back on what I have been through, the trials and tribulations I have survived, and am surprised I made it this far. The thought of dying young has never really bothered me, leaving my family and friends behind never really affected me cause love will always keep us together. However the more I have thought about it and with recent life changes, the birth of my daughter, I want nothing more than to stick around for awhile and watch her grow up. If not for her I would never have given a thought to the process of planning a funeral.
I will write these plans as if I die in fifteen or so years. I have always known that it will be a sudden death, most likely bloody as well. Such is the case of most sudden deaths. Even if diagnosed with a terminal disease my death will be quick and painless, for if the case it will be on my own terms. I have very simple rules as far as any life support goes, if recovery includes the ability to not talk, move my arms, and have full brain function than it is not recovery at all. If the chances of recovery are any less than fifty percent than it is not recovery. I do not want to live a half life and depend on others for my ever day needs, if I grow to be 90 years of age then I will reconsider.
I always liked the idea of having a tombstone for people to visit; I believe it would be easier for those who are close to me to have a place to visit. However I do not like the idea of my body stationary for the rest of its existence, I have always moved around and traveled the world. When people use the expression “Final Resting Place” I wonder what happened to the other resting places. I believe cremation would be in order with a memorial plaque put on a stone somewhere where people can visit it if they feel the need.
Once I die I would like the customary wake and funeral, If possible I would like it to be an open casket service, and have the standard funeral proceedings that one sees in a funeral home. My casket however will be made by hand, my hands. I plan to build my own casket (fairly soon as I have already priced wood and purchased plans) and design it how I would like it and for the decorations to be of my own doing. On the inside lid of this casket will be a box, inside this box will be a copy of my dog tags, three rounds of ammunition, a boatswain’s whistle, and a set of my medals. This is the casket that I will be laying in at the funeral home. I would like people to bring something, anything, to place in my casket, sort of articles of remembrance. These items are what will actually be in my casket when it is lowered into the ground, as I will be on my way to the crematorium. I would like to be cremated in full dress uniform, my medals upon my chest, dog tags around my neck, and a picture of my family inside my pocket. Once my ashes are canned I would like them to be separated into two canisters, one smaller than the other. I would like one canister of ashes, about the size of a baby jar of food to be spread in the sands of the Iraqi desert just southwest of Baghdad. The other larger canister has a few options for it to be dispersed; I will leave this up to whoever takes charge of these tasks. One: I would like them spread out on my Grandfather’s farm, most preferably up by where the hanger and airstrip are on the south face of the hill. Two: I would like them to be spread into the ocean, and not by the beach, but rent a boat and go out into the ocean and spread them; the biggest stipulation is that there is to be no land in view when my ashes are spread. Three: Mantle, if I am to reside on a mantle or some other spot I would like a brass canister, they make ones that are made from spent 5in shell casings from naval deck guns, and there will have to be an inscription on the outside “ashes to ashes” that is all.
The ceremony itself will be at a funeral home and a church, any church will do as long as it is not a catholic church, I wasn’t baptized catholic so I don’t want a catholic church. There will be no wearing of black (except uniforms), wear a suit you would wear to work on Thursday. I understand it is a time for grieving and mourning, but I’m not so try to keep it to a dull roar, celebrate my life and accomplishments. Any donations in the form of monetary value will be directed to the Iraqi war veteran’s relief fund, and go to the families of those who lost someone in the war.
I would like to have full military honors. I would prefer my casket not transported in a hearse, I have always thought they were the ugliest vehicles on the road. I would prefer to be transported on a 2½ military truck (also known as a deuce and a half), seeing as how there will be no body in the casket don’t foresee this as a problem. If the funeral home chosen has a problem with this then tell them ok and go to a different funeral home. The military guard should be able to supply the truck. Once at the graveyard, where my casket will be laid to rest, there are no big requests, just a normal run of the mill funeral with military honors.
Once my remains are cremated and picked up I would like the immediate close family to go to my grandfather’s farm (sure by now it’s mine) and do their own little ceremony (this can be at a date of their convenience) with the plaque and stone marker. I figure that would be the best, have a bronze plaque made with all the usual stats on it and maybe some inscription which is to be written and chosen by my family in a boulder and placed in the field across the road from the house between the two ponds at the crest of the hill, plaque facing east.
I have always been a stickler for bagpipes at ceremonies, therefore Amazing grace needs to be played, and I would also like the song “My Way” by Frank Sinatra played at some point. The point at when these songs are played does not matter to me, however when they do the military flag folding I would like the bagpipes and a snare drum (live, not a recording) to be played at that point. Pallbearers and who is there does not really matter, they will never be actually carrying my body but just the casket. I believe that any surviving will be able to make all the small details, eulogy, flowers, food, and such on their own.
I have never once thought about death in this way, it’s so matter of fact, like planning and getting ready for a vacation. I never realized how lenient I am on certain things and strict I am on others as far as my final wishes are carried out. Death always seemed like one of those things that people never think about until there is a time (someone dies) that they think about it. The planning and preparation of a funeral is a long thought out process and seems like a lot of work to do when someone just died, this assignment I hope will be of benefit when the time comes.
I never put much stock in eulogies, death notices, memorial epitaphs, or anything of the like. I always thought they were something that people wrote that described you in a way that didn’t exactly fit their beliefs of you. Like they have to be nice and write something appropriate, so I figure whatever anyone wants to write they can write. I am actually looking forward to building a coffin, my Mother used to build simple coffins for poor families downstate, but sadly the business costs outweighed the profits and it wasn’t worth the time.
If I had to put an inscription on my tombstone it would be simple “VIR, ABBAS, FRATE IN TELUM” (Man, Father, Brother in Arms).